“Wow, the N.R.A. as we know it could be gone. Aw, thoughts and prayers.” — JIMMY FALLON
“When the news broke, people were shocked, mostly because this had nothing to do with Trump.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And to make sure it dissolves, she’s going to put Jared Kushner in charge of it. [Imitating Jared Kushner] ‘You can count on me — oh, no. Oh, you guys, bad news. Oh, I Kushed it.” — SETH MEYERS
“Yeah, right now, the N.R.A. is in so much trouble even Trump is afraid to wish them well.” — JIMMY FALLON, presumably referring to the president’s recent good wishes for Ghislaine Maxwell
“One of the biggest politicians who received donations from the N.R.A. is Senator Mitch McConnell. That probably explains why, today, he was seen breathing into his neck like it was a paper bag.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump was like: ‘We have to protect the N.R.A. I want them to go down to Disney World and set up an N.R.A. bubble.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Mystery Men Edition)
“President Trump’s re-election campaign yesterday asked the commission on presidential debates to add a fourth debate with former Vice President Joe Biden. Oh, totally. I mean, any chance to gain some additional insight into these elusive mystery men.” — SETH MEYERS
“At this point, who even needs debates? Who is undecided? Who’s tuning in like, ‘I want to see what this Donald Trump guy is all about. Then I’ll make my mind up. I need at least three debates. Haven’t figured out who I’m going for yet. Then once I do, after the third debate, maybe the fourth one, then I’ll — then I’ll listen.” — JIMMY FALLON
”Actually, I don’t mind another debate, as long as it’s just Trump naming things he sees in the room: [Imitating Trump] ‘Podium, moderator, Biden, camera, T.V.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Desus and Mero check in with the world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt.