The F.B.I.’s Giuliani Raids Warm Late Night’s Heart

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“Come on, that’s way too early! Rudy’s not himself until he’s had his first cup of hot breakfast wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“They took the former mayor’s electronic devices; they were seized. I think it’s safe to assume none of those electronic devices were toothbrushes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“I know Rudy Giuliani is a high-powered lawyer, mayor of New York City, adviser to the president of the United States, but I still picture his office above a repair shop right next to a palm reader’s.” — JAMES CORDEN

“But Rudy’s lawyer — very upset. He called the raid ‘legal thuggery.’ He said, ‘Why would you do this to anyone, let alone someone who was the associate attorney general, U.S. attorney, mayor of New York City and the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?’ Who would dare to show up unannounced and take his beloved Jitterbug phone? It’s just not American.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Investigators are reportedly conducting a criminal investigation into Giuliani’s dealings in Ukraine to try to dig up dirt on the Bidens on behalf of Donald Trump. And if you think he was sweating Grecian Formula before, you should see him now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“When the agents walked in, Rudy got so nervous, he started sweating hair dye and tucking all the evidence down his pants.” — JIMMY FALLON

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