Tucker Carlson suggests replacing Burning Man, which has been canceled due to COVID, with a festival dedicated to burning masks on ‘Tucker Carlson Tonight.’
TUCKER CARLSON: The people who run the burning Man event out in Nevada just announced they will not be gathering this year, they’re too afraid of COVID. That’s obviously bad news if you enjoy body painting and interpretive dance on acid. But it also means there’s an opening on this summer’s roster of nude festivals. We see that as an opportunity. Why not replace that with burning masks?
The nakedness gathering in the desert – 5 days of totally unimpeded breathing. No more moist cotton clinging to your face, no more struggling to fill your lungs. No more mandatory suffocation. Just deep, satisfying breaths. As many as you want. Unrestricted airflow in nature. Gulp it down! It’s allowed here.
And then, on the final night, a pagan ceremony under the stars: the burning of the masks. A ritual bonfire of PPE, liberation, a cleansing of the spirit – a word that, by the way, means breath. In a single blaze, COVID neurotics will turn the instruments of their emotional oppression into heat and light and ash.
At ‘Burning Mask,’ America’s Joy Reid’s will emulate their fears and emerge once again somewhat human – or at least somewhat less uptight and annoying.
How is that not a great idea? Actually, now that we say it out loud, it doesn’t sound entirely crazy. It’s certainly a lot more sane than jogging through the park with two masks on.